For as long as I can remember, I’ve believed that human nature is fundamentally good, and that everyone’s intentions make sense to them. I remember as a young teenager being firmly convinced that even the most infamous public figures believe they’re doing the right thing. And I’ve also always felt deeply uncomfortable with many of our social norms, including concepts of right and wrong, blame and punishment, and power-over.
I first read Marshall Rosenberg’s book around 20 years ago after I stumbled on it in a second-hand shop. It was one of those rare life-changing books that I remembered clearly years later. I’d finally discovered a way to make sense of why people act the way they do!
But 10 years went by before I discovered there was such a thing as training in NVC, as well as a whole NVC community that shared some of my cherished beliefs about humanity. I also discovered that there was so much more depth and subtlety to NVC than I’d picked up from reading the book.
That depth still continues to amaze me to this day. I’m also blown away, again and again, by how much internal space can exist between stimulus and response, and how that space can continually increase once we begin to increase our awareness. I think of this work as a lifelong journey towards self-discovery and authentic connection.
I clearly remember my first time being guided through an NVC process and experiencing a really profound shift. After working through some issues with a family member, I no longer felt so triggered by the things he was saying, and felt much more compassion towards him, just after attending a weekend workshop. This inspired me to begin training in NVC, and I haven’t really looked back since.
At the time, I was single and determined not to repeat the kinds of relationship dynamics that I’d experienced in the past. I was resolved to do the inner work required till I could connect in the healthy, joyful ways that I’d always believed were possible.
Several years later, NVC is one of the foundations of my relationship with my partner, Aaron Bailey, and we lead trainings together. As a couple who live and work together, we’re able to offer quite a unique perspective on the benefits and challenges of integrating NVC into daily life. At our trainings we share insights from our own experience of navigating situations when we’ve struggled to stay in NVC consciousness. We can talk about the particular difficulties that arise when things get tense, and the specific ways that people tend to get ‘stuck’ when they think they’re using NVC, but failing to connect.
We live in an Ecovillage in Ireland, where decisions are made by consensus of the whole community, so we’re also able to share from our lived experience of trying to understand different perspectives and take all needs into account, while managing the inevitable conflicts that arise. For me, as well as for lots of others here, it’s an experiment in trying to live and work collaboratively, and put into practice the changes we want to see in the wider world. If we can’t make it work on a small scale (of around 100 people), what hope is there for us as a species?
We’re also very involved in activist networks that are based around facing the realities of planetary crises and trying to create meaningful social change. Any changes I want to see in the world necessarily involve changing the way we treat each other as fellow humans, recognising and valuing the needs of all, and building a culture of care.
I firmly believe that we could solve a lot of the world’s problems if we all, as a species, recognised the value of really listening to each other. One of my deepest hopes is that one day it becomes a social norm to try to understand other viewpoints, and to trust that it’s possible to find a way forward that cares for all needs. I feel deeply saddened by how much the concepts of right and wrong are embedded in our culture, and I really long for a world where we all recognise that each and every one of us is just stumbling along, trying to figure out how to meet our needs.
My own journey has brought me through a wide range of life experiences that all feed into the wholeness of me as a person, and the kinds of issues that I feel qualified to support people with. After several dysfunctional relationships, I’ve worked through my own trauma, and I’ve also brought up three kids, including one who’s transgender and another with special needs.
I’ve also had quite a colourful life. In the distant past, I was a little bit nomadic - I’ve travelled to some interesting places in interesting ways! (and I’m open to more adventures in the future). As an activist, I was a founder member of Extinction Rebellion Ireland and a steering member of the Wellbeing Economy Alliance in Ireland.
As well as a trainer, coach, mediator, and facilitator, I’m also an award-winning spoken word poet and a visual artist, and I also host Ecstatic Dance events. My various art forms over the years have included oil painting, making costumes and props for theatre, acting, playwriting, and designing infographics. I also make large-scale festival art installations, many of them from recycled objects reclaimed from landfill, and I’ve created the decor for Global Green at Electric Picnic (Ireland’s biggest music festival) for over 10 years.
You’ll find more details about everything I offer on my website
“I’m constantly trying to find a balance between the things that are important to me, including connection and authenticity, autonomy and collaboration, creativity, and lifelong learning. My vision is to collectively shift the social narrative, and create a culture that aspires to meet the needs of all within planetary boundaries.”