Anger, guilt, and shame are keys to our needs, and thus to connection. Understanding shame better helps us deal with guilt and anger. Like Liv Larson in her book “Anger, Guilt & Shame: Reclaiming Power and Choice” (2012), we use shame as a starting point for this training.
When we‘re triggered, we sometimes don’t like to feel our emotions. We‘re more likely to resort to negative thoughts and analyze what’s wrong with ourselves or someone else. We think in judgments, in terms of right and wrong.
If your reaction is outward—if you primarily think the other person did something wrong—then you experience anger. If your reaction is inward, it takes the form of shame or guilt. And if you don‘t give your emotions space for too long, it can lead to feelings of depression. You’ve then lived longer than you can sustain without connecting with your needs, making the accumulation of guilt and shame increasingly difficult to bear.
Empathy is the antidote to guilt, shame, and anger. During this themed day, we‘ll explore what we can all feel shame about (spoiler alert: it’s often more than you thought, because we run away from shame so we don‘t have to feel it). We’ll learn which escape routes we take, and we‘ll examine the needs underlying our reactions. And we’ll explore what it takes to respond differently than you might have done so far. This way, we can transform shame (and with it, anger and guilt) into strength, vulnerability, and freedom of choice.
The training will be held on December 12, 2025, in Amsterdam and on May 23, 2026, in Wageningen. The training will be given by Suzanne Nederlof (Empatilya) and Boris Nauta (Equanimity).